We Will Have A Good Time

Hello.

Firstly, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all muslims out there.
Sorry this post came a bit late.
Had been busy with the raya outings and serving guests and yeah, school is still on for another week before the September break and then prelims.
Ahh, stress. Must really get it right this time.

C for GP (though I think it's impossible, at least a D?), C for Physics or even a B, pass my Chemistry for the first time ever or else I'm screwed and will fail my Chem A's, get a good passing grade for Mathematics after so long and get a B or A for Malay and Literature.
2 weeks left to get all this in my head and finally prove to myself that I still have hope to get somewhere in life.

My dad had it planned out for me.
If I can't get into NUS, I shall try NTU and if not, hello Malaysia Uni for me.
HAHAHAhahahah.
No please, I don't want to be away from my family.

Even though I'm getting to the big 2 soon, I mean reaching 20, I still feel like a kid.
What do you expect, I'm the youngest in my family, the youngest among my cousins and really, I still haven't mature yet.
When people visit for raya, knowing I'm taking my A's this year, they would ask where I want to go next.
My reply is "I don't know",
All I know is I want to get into NUS or NTU, to whatever course that is available and desirable for me.

I don't know anything about my future.
I don't know what course to take, what I want to be, what's good for a career, what's the economic situation in Singapore, what is the latest real news around the world and all that grown up mature stuff.
I'm still in my own world where I just know that I have to do exactly what is told, get a decent good grades, have my parents and siblings tell me what I should do with my life and just keep quiet when people are talking about adult stuff because I don't have a single clue with the topic they talked about.
Pathetic, isn't it?

Oh my, what to do with my life?



Anyway, my whole body feels itchy now.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm getting paranoid or is it really because I hugged and kissed Aqilah who had just recovered from chicken pox.
And I just realised that my wounds leave scars.
Like when I accidentally scratched myself, it would start to bleed and then there's a mark which would leave scars.
So I don't know why because usually I wouldn't have such scars.
Probably because of low platelets count?
Hahah, told you I'm getting paranoid.
Not really knowing what's happening to your body and then hearing stories about how the body could get weak and all is really terrifying for me.
Thus, the paranoia.
Gosh, help me please.

And I feel so uneasy.
I'm missing Alisha who has been sleeping over for a few days due to the chicken pox situation.
I miss her cries, the adorable faces she would make before she cries and her smiles.
Even when I wanted to play the songs out loud, I was considering whether I should use the earpiece to listen because I was afraid that I might wake Alisha up but she's not here anymore.
We sent her back to her mum since Aqilah was recovering.

I feel like I've gone crazy while typing this post.
Seriously.
Probably having to keep all these crazy thoughts in my mind for the last few hours has made me like this.
Urgh, headache.
Sigh, I'm going insane.
I think I need to sleep.
But I'm not really sure if that's what I really want to do now. :/

Hope you guys have a great day, a great raya.
I hope I could at least go for one raya with friends.
But then again, it's okay if I don't get the chance.
8 free months is waiting for me after this 70 days.
Hehehe :(

70 days left.
That's all it take to determine my future.
The next 70 days that determine what I'll do in the next 7 years.
Sigh.
Good bye me, you, whoever.
Appreciate your presence. :)