Live your life, ♥

Okay so here's my plan for today: Initially wanted to wake up before Subuh and made a banner which I'll put outside my house and have the candles and stuff for my sister birthday. That didn't work out because I slept. HAHAH. So now, I've cooked pancakes for her, shall do a video and give her gifts at 3pm, at the time she was born. Well, I have a tiara which I want her to use throughout the day after 3pm. No need to wrap her present so yeah, hopefully things work out fine later ;) Anyway, 2 days ago, I went to Singapore Indoor Stadium to watch....wait for it..... THE SCRIPT LIVE! Initially I had plans to spend the afternoon with my nieces and then to go for the concert but then my family is (forever/always/for eternity) late so by the time I reached Ang Mo Kio, it was already 6pm and I was supposed to meet Jannah at 6.30pm at Bishan. Had to leave my family and rushed to Bishan. We talked about how it would be so weird and awkward to scream and shout ...

It feels like one of those moment when a couple just sit across each other and thinking of what's the next best step in their relationship. With that background music playing while they flashback on the memories they've shared together. And their eyes just swell up because probably letting go is just the best choice because the truth is, they were happy before but not anymore. And it's just difficult to feel the same again. And I wish I could feel the same again. But this growing up thing is too overwhelming for me. But I have to grow up. I have to stop being afraid. I have to stop worrying about things are small in my life. I have to just stop. Everything in the past are just memories. They remain in the flashbacks. I can't constantly wish to go back. When will I move forward then? Sometimes I wish there's somebody I could talk to.

Maybe it's not the right day or period. Maybe I'm having pms. Maybe it's just another obstacle I have to overcome. Maybe it's just life. I don't know what is it but today, I'm really tired. Not that physically, I did much, I practically did nothing. But there's just too much going on in my head. First, the university application. I know my chances are zero and I'm just too ashamed to admit that I have no hope and I should just do what's best which is to start working now. But I really really hope that NIE would accept me because even if I know I can't teach, maybe I was born to do this you know. I care too much about others, maybe I should just help them by becoming a teacher. I also like to take charge if given the opportunity so maybe being a teacher is the best answer to my prayers? I just really really hope I get accepted to NTU-NIE so badly that I don't care that I don't get in NUS like my siblings did but just...NIE...

So today was the day I got back my results. Emotion: Numb. Firstly, I don't know if that's an emotion because numb=nothing. And I feel something but again I don't think it's anything. H-A-H-A. At least I got a B for my Malay Lit even though I really wanted an A but B is good you know, not as nice as A but it's good! And I finally passed my CHEM! Even though I got a D for Chem, to be frank, I'm really really thankful for that. I've always gotten a U for every Chem paper or the least is an S which means I've never passed Chem before, I'm really lucky to jump 2 grades up and finally passed it! Actually, that's what made me feel fine. That I've overcome Chemistry. I'm still sad for my Physics and Maths though. I expected a better grade for Physics and hoped to pass Maths. Oh well. But you know what I hate the most? People who belittle me because my results was like that. I mean, it's true, reality wise I can...