I Need Somewhere To Begin

“A man who dares to waste one hour of life has not discovered the value of life.” ~ Charles Darwin

So just an hour ago, I was staring at twitter.
Thinking what I should do, if there was anything I should be doing but just procrastinating.

And apparently, there's really nothing to do.
I just have to wait.
Wait for somebody to start a conversation.
Wait for any important emails from anywhere.
Wait for letters that would change my life.

Waiting is really somehow depressing.
Because there's nothing else you can do other than wait.
And as the above quote said, I don't know what is the value of life yet.
I've just been doing a lot of thinking and nothing to help myself.

Like what should I do this Saturday? I already said I'm going back to help.
And then my brother suddenly asked me to help out in his work assuming I'm free.
And I'm not free.
But I won't be earning anything, just giving my time away.

So is life all about money?

I mean, I just don't know.
At some point, money is important.
And with money comes the experience too.
But this week, it will be a new experience for me too to help out.
I will be teaching which I really want to try my best in.

And I'm really torn.
Between family and friends for obvious reasons you should pick family.
And I'm constantly picking friends over family.

Why do I do that?











Anyway, back in October, I wrote this poem for a close friend of mine.
That moment when I feel I'm somehow losing her, as a close friend.
And I'm feeling it again.
But maybe I'm just not making enough effort.


You are my friend, the best I know
but as we know,
nothing last forever
or maybe, forever just don't last long.
As things come to an end,
to drift apart is inevitable
though I hope for as long as I live
you will still be my friend.
I tried to make a poem
and poems are supposed to rhyme
but I'm here to apologise
for the things I might do (or have done)
when things are still in one.
Thus, rhyming don't matter and here's what I want to say:
Forgive me if I push you away,
Forgive me if I do not stay,
Forgive me if I start to fade.
For I am trying,
trying my best to feel alone,
trying my best to be on my own,
for when you are gone,
not gone forever,
just when busy time calls,
and we don't even meet in the fall,
I'll still be strong enough
to hold onto the memories,
don't wish for it to come back,
not letting myself crack,
but just enjoy life,
knowing in my heart,
you were once the best friend,
the very best one in my life.






Maybe it's true.
I'm just self-centered.
I wish there was a pause and rewind button in life.
Or fast-forward button to skip all this and just bring me to the future.
The happy ending.