Don't Stop Me Now

Have you ever just sat down, with your knees to your chest, staring into blank space and feel like you either went back in time or move forward to the future?

I don't know.
Maybe because of the not getting into uni thing this year that I'm just constantly trying to find what I want in my future.
Because they say if you don't what you want, how are you going motivate yourself to get what you want because you don't know what you want so how could you get motivated to get something you don't know?

That was a repeated statement hahah.

I always believe I'm the type of person who goes with the flow.
Because I can't get what I want, probably because (no, I mean absolutely because) I don't work hard enough.

But somehow, I found a goal.
And that is to repay my parents and my siblings.
And today, I thought of how much my dad paid for me...
From my daily allowances to which became monthly and I haven't include the times I needed extra money because I overspent, or my overseas trip because I can't use edusave, or my school fees, or my exam fees, or for my driving lessons, or when I purchase with impulse and everything else.

I'm such a burden and lucky.
Back when I was younger and my parents just ended their work contract because the company was shutting down, my siblings didn't get the luxury I have today.
My siblings had to pay the fees on their own by working and all, and they all succeed.
And me?

I just take things for granted.


Hmm.
I don't know.
Can I do this?
Will I be able to pass it this time so I can a degree and repay everything they have done for me?

I'm too indebted.